In this world, it is so easy to believe (consciously or not) that we must earn our value or worth. We receive so many messages, intended or not, that say “try harder”, “do more”, or “not enough”. Unfortunately, these messages can land hard on our innate longing for acceptance and belonging. These longings are inherently part of being a relational creature so they’re non-negotiable. This means we must find a way to satisfy these longings in a healthy way. Now, there’s nothing wrong with trying harder or striving to be better, in fact these are normal parts of developing as a human person. However, when these efforts carry the additional emotional weight of proving or disproving our value, we can begin to extend ourselves in ways that may actually be counterproductive to our growth, running the risk of burning ourselves out and never satisfying those longings.
So, what can you do to protect yourself from falling into this pattern? Start with reflecting on whether some of your good efforts carry that additional emotional charge. Next, try to notice or “catch” when this is happening. Take this opportunity to remind yourself of your inherent value as a human person, whether you can fully believe it or not. Our enoughness is a gift that is given to us by God, our loved ones, and anyone else who cares for us. We all need to be reminded of this from time to time because life is tough. Those reminders help us dust ourselves off and get back to the hard work of growing but without the same heaviness. We’re all stumbling together towards becoming more of ourselves and that’s good enough!
* The information provided is for self-enrichment and not intended to replace any necessary mental health treatment.
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Warmly,
Jonathan Dixon, LMFT
Alpha Omega
