I first heard this statement in a training many years ago. When asked about how to help clients avoid feeling shameful about their limitations of coping, the lead trainer said, “No one tells us that our coping strategies have an expiration date”. I thought this was a beautiful way to honor the pain that comes with self discovery. It really hurts to experience the limits of our skills (what we know how to do doesn’t work anymore), especially when we are working very hard and have very good intentions. This reframe can help soften the blow and turn a perceived failure into an opportunity for growth. It’s a way of saying, “Of course you got stuck! No one told you that you would need to update your coping strategies along the way. I know that’s a hard realization so let’s find some new ways to deal with life that fit better for you”.
Humans are not static; we grow and change automatically throughout our lives. Getting stuck relating to the world around us with the same template, no matter what circumstances we find ourselves in, is what makes things feel static. When this happens, making some adjustments to that template can suddenly help you move through the places you feel stuck. There’s no shame in needing help or finding new resources to better navigate your current needs. Take the wheel from the automatic (and subconscious) adaptation process and consciously chart a new path for yourself.
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* The information provided is for self-enrichment and not intended to replace any necessary mental health treatment.
Warmly,
Jonathan Dixon, LMFT
Alpha Omega Team
