Communication is the key to a strong bond and a healthy relationship. We are constantly sending and receiving signals from one another. Fine tuning the process behind this back and forth is the best way to improve communication. When this happens, it’s often accompanied by a feeling of being deeply connected, which is a basic human need. In fact, attachment theory tells us that the stability of our relationship has the biggest impact on our well-being.
While behavior alone cannot meet our emotional needs, it can be an important aspect of getting clear about communication. Discussing your preferred love language or apology language provides important information about what you’re longing for. To deepen the discussion, I suggest describing what signal these actions send you, how they make you feel/how they touch your heart, and how they relate to your life story. This type of clarity can help turn cognitive information about each other into emotionally connected moments.
To make room for increased emotional engagement it might be helpful to share in this way:
When you (insert specific example of love language or apology language), I feel … which means a lot to me because (insert need that you have).
Example: When we spend quality time together, I feel so valued and important which is important to me because I’ve struggled to feel “good enough” my whole life. Thank you for helping me lighten that load.
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* The information provided is for self-enrichment and not intended to replace any necessary mental health treatment.
Warmly,
Jonathan Dixon, LMFT
Alpha Omega Team
