Simply put, boundaries are ways of interacting with others that establish emotional closeness or distance. This happens at the process level which means how we’re interacting (tone, body language, physical proximity and any other nonverbal forms of communication) takes priority over what we’re saying. In other words, how we say something is more important than the words we use. Words are indeed important but when it comes to emotional processing, humans are fine tuned to pick up on the more subtle cues mentioned above. This is particularly relevant when we’re sensing an increase in emotional intensity. When this happens, knowing how to identify and set boundaries can be very helpful. ⁣
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There are three types of boundaries:⁣⁣
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Rigid: keeping others at a distance (emotionally or physically) to limit or otherwise reduce how much impact they have on us. This can look like avoidance and/or low tolerance for others. ⁣
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Diffuse/Porous: allowing others to take up much of your emotional and physical energy. This is often for the purpose of feeling close to others despite how draining it may feel. This can look like “people pleasing” or having a hard time saying no. This can also look like over sharing and trusting others very quickly. ⁣
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Clear: embodying a healthy dialogue within ourselves and with others about finding the right balance between how much emotion we allow in or out, often depending on energy level and negotiation. There is no “right way” to have clear boundaries because the balance is dependent on the individuals and their relationship. Again, this is a process of relating that establishes a congruence between the how and what; what I say matches how I interact with others. ⁣
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When beginning to bring awareness to our boundaries, one of the best places to start is by tuning into our emotional distress during interactions. Notice what happens in your body when you sense emotional intensity. What’s your go-to way of responding? Does that fit into one of the above descriptions? How would it be to slow down and think before you respond? Try slicing this shift into a manageable change and try it out with someone you can trust. ⁣

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* The information provided is for self-enrichment and not intended to replace any necessary mental health treatment.⁣

Warmly,

Jonathan Dixon, LMFT
Alpha Omega Team